How to be and Ally: To a Friend with an Eating Disorder

February 24 marks the first day of National Eating Disorder Awareness Week, where we join to raise awareness, celebrate progress or positive steps taken, and promote tools for recovery. 

There are many different eating disorders, each with different struggles and different recovery processes. The 2020 theme for NEDA Awareness Week is “Come as You Are: Hindsight is 2020;” which will be embraced by reflecting on steps taken and our progress toward accepting ourselves (and others!). This reflection includes setbacks and struggles, recovery is not a linear process. 

Eating disorders are often something people suffer from in solitude. If you notice a friend or loved one suffering from a bad, unhealthy relationship with food or themselves, it can be hard to know how to help. Feeling supported is important, so lend your hand, shoulder, or ear to your friend. 

Ditch body-related compliments

First, let’s ditch body-related compliments. Tell your friend that they are STRONG, or smart, kind, and funny! Don’t tell them “You look skinny today!” Because we are more than just bodies! We are made up of great minds and full hearts, instead of focusing on the way we look, let’s encourage admiration of more important qualities: our will, whit, and love.

Educate yourself

In order to understand what your friend is going through, try researching and reading information on their eating disorder. Informative articles or books can help you learn the symptoms of their disorder, the recovery process, and the struggles that come with it. 

Avoid accusations 

Eating disorders are mental health disorders, not choices. Sufferers hold onto their disordered eating habits similar to those suffering from addiction. Avoid blanket statements like “just stop.” Understand that it will be very difficult for your friend to stop, and they will need proper support and help to recover.  Instead of saying things like “you’re not eating enough,” try saying something like, “I’ve been noticing lately that you’re not eating much.” When we take out the accusation, your friend will feel supported instead of blamed.

Check in

Your friend may feel very lonely right now. When they can see someone is on their side, it can add to how they view their worth. So, try reaching out every day to simply ask how they are feeling. Check-in on them at home to see how they are doing. Offer to eat meals with them or to support them if certain foods are challenging. Let your friend know they are not suffering or recovering alone. 

Reduce the stigma

Many suffering from an eating disorder believe they are unworthy of seeking help. But if someone is suffering to any degree, they are worthy of help. Some people with eating disorders, though they are in pain and are suffering, believe that they do not have an eating disorder at all. This may be a result of the culture around them. Encourage your friend by telling them that there is nothing wrong with seeking help for an eating disorder, or admitting that they are suffering in any way, shape, or form. Bad habits are meant to be broken, and your friend deserves a healthy, happy life. 

Encourage your friend to seek help

Send resources to your friend and encourage them to seek help. Maybe they are scared! If you can offer to attend an appointment with them, even if they do not accept, your offer of support will help a friend know they are cared for. If you know anyone suffering from an eating disorder, some great resources can be found at www.nationaleatingdisorders.org. Or call the helpline: (800) 931-2237.